A Troy Burroghs: “Escape For Your Life or Die Farting” [In Spanish & English]

This is not a story about farting by far, no sir-ree, it is a story about almost farting and dying. I was a drunk for twenty-two years, and I had some fart problems when I stopped drinking.

Now if you’ve drank before, and I personnel know 70% those in the US do drink, and while in Germany, 98.6% of them drink. And while in Iceland, 99% of them drink and while in Alaska, the Arctic region, and I flew with a mail carrier delivering mail (yaw mail up my tuba… (?))just in case my wife is reading this; she likes Troy, and I may have it out yet)), he sold whiskey when I wasn’t looking. Anyways, I’m not here to get him in trouble, but in the deep artic 99.6 % drink. They wanted me to stay and work for them in the arctic, back in ’96, because they were going to open up the area for legal drinking…yaw you get the picture, legal, legal, legal…rehab…rehab…lots of farting is going to start.

Now you may think this a bit to the left my friend, you know, Mr. Burroghs is not telling his audience the full truth of the matter, baby you are getting it full steam…the bare truth of the matter. I’m a 100% man, all the way, traveled the world 24-time around. Oh yes, 2 and and 4…got it. Yes, yes and and yes, and for 22-years of traveling, them planes got stinky…farting all the way; if you drink, you fart: that is the gospel truth; don’t try to tell me otherwise, I’ve been down the tail too many times. No questions asked. That is the mighty truth. You can bank on it…that is right and as good as gold.

Now, as I was saying, I was a counselor, and sitting out on this nice sunny day in July, sitting out in Wisconsin having a group therapy session, about nine people involved. And here was this guy and his wife. The wife came down to be with him on this occasion, not sure why but I let her join the group, after asking the group permission, you know, because they’re going to reveal some stupid private information–us ex-drunks think no one in the world knows a damn thing about our behavior, when it’s plastered all over kingdom-come. Yes, the butcher knows and so does the baker, and the electric company knows because you didn’t pay the damn bill; because it is all about you, baby it is all about you–Right!!

We don’t pay any of the mother suckers. None my friends…all they got was ZERO>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>take that to the bank

now comes the big D, in this story D does not sand for what is going on through your mind, oh now, when you’re a professional drunk like me and my friends, or clients (take your pick), you don’t need the Drunk part, but you get the D part, and that is FARTING is free. I really got to get on to the premise of this thing, the plot is already set…see, we are sitting in the humble circle telling one another what everyone in town already knows, and what we had forgot, until now–black out time. And this couple, call them Tom and Jerry [Mr. and Mrs. Anonymous–so I don’t get sued], Jerry being the wife. Now they are sitting together with the rest of us thinking, yes just thinking, about what the other person is thinking, or trying to figure out what they are thinking. You want to know what they are thinking…I’ll tell you, “I don’t know if I should say this, they’ll watch me, I’ll be in the spot light…” that kind of gobblegook. Who really gives a rabbit’s foot? Number one you have been seeking the spot light for twenty-years, now you’re humble. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s a recovering fart for yaw.

Now let’s get on to the mystery. As I was about to say, we are sitting there on the humble sunny July day, in Wisconsin, up on this hill in a free standing in and out care facility. I’m the hot shot counselor. Hello–are you listening……………………………………..

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFf…it started, this grows like a rocket going to Mars, no kidding: — yes Tom started a little fart it got louder, everyone now is looking at one another in the circle, you got it we’re all looking at Tom☺ for the moment we are smiling. But this friend is the longest fart in all of human history. We couldn’t talk, and the air was pushing it all away thank goodness. And we looked, and we looked and we looked, now the laughing was being held back, and Tom smiled ☻and smiled ☻ and smiled ☻…and the farting never stopped.

It must have went on for five minutes, I know that is a whole lot of seconds, something like…fffffffffffffffff♪♫♪♫♪♫F F F F F FFFF FFF ffffff ♫♪☻☺♫Ω yes my friend something like that, it had rhythm to it, a beat one might say and we all smiled. Now why did we smile? Think about it. Here would have been the Guinnes Book record had we had a recorder for the longest fart in history. He farted so much he couldn’t even get up to go wipe himself because he kept on farting.

You might be saying, you can identify with this, and your girlfriend is sitting by you and damn if she peaks over at what I’m reading…shut the computer off quick, tell her you’ll read this later, she doesn’t’ have to know, she will not know what you were reading, and if she catches you she’ll say,

“You mean you enjoy reading about some drunk farting…” she will not get the picture, you’re an old drunk and just wait until you get married, and then you’ll find out. I don’t think that guy’s wife knew he had such problems. So I don’t want to be responsible for a breakup.

Anyhow, but to reality: the poor man and his wife, sat there…you got it, ☻☻ with that stupid smile (s). But what could they do. Tom shock his shoulders, he was young and figured after 4. 5 minutes, I’ve lived through the hard part. I could only fart for 15-seconds, and I thought that was long.

So if you have re-opened this computer, or book, to finish the story, and your gal is gone, there isn’t much more to really say, except, we had a little laugh, and a huge one internally, I think we all had a gut ache afterwards from holding in…and I’m sure some of us held in our farts so not to be criticized, if you are asking if I did, you will have to hold that in for a Dave Lettermen show interview….

12/2002/Revised and edited 1/4/06

In Spanish
Translated by Nancy Penaloza

Uno De Troy Burroghs: “Huye por tu vida o Muere por tirarte un pedo”

Esta no es una historia acerca de pedos por mucho, ninguno señor, esta es una historia acerca casi pedos y muerte. Yo fui un borracho por 22 años, y yo tenía algunos problemas con pedos cuando deje de beber.

Ahora si tu has bebido antes, y yo personalmente conozco que el 70 % de aquellos en los Estados Unidos lo hacen, y mientras en Alemania, el 98.6% de ellos beben, y mientras en Islandia, 99% de ellos beben y aunque en Alaska, la región Ártica, y yo volé con una empresa de transportes repartidora de correo (desvió enviado por correo mi conducto (¿) solo en el caso de que mi esposa este leyendo esto; a ella le gusta Troy, y yo puedo ajustarle cuentas ya)), el vendió Whiskey cuando yo no estaba mirando. De cualquier forma, yo no estoy aquí para ponerle a él en problemas, pero en la profundidad del ártico 99.6% bebe. Ellos querían que yo me quedara a trabajar con ellos en el ártico. Antes en el 96. Porque ellos iban a abrir el área de bebida legal, desvío Ud tiene la imagen, licito, legal, licito, rehabilitación, rehabilitación… muchos gases iban a comenzar.

Ahora Ud. Puede pensar esto un poco torcido mi amigo, Ud. Sabe, el Señor Burroghs no esta diciendo en su entrevista toda la verdad del asunto. Nene tu estas llevando esto completamente empañado… la verdad desnuda del asunto. Yo soy un hombre 100%, en todo lugar, viajé, alrededor del mundo 24 veces. Oh si, 2 y 4 eso es. Si, si y si, y por 22 años de viaje, esos aviones consiguieron oler mal…pedos todo el tiempo; si tu bebes, tu te tiras un pedo; ese es el evangelio de la verdad; no trates de decirme lo contrario, yo he estado con la cola baja demasiadas veces. Ninguna pregunta preguntada. Esa es la grandiosa verdad. Tu puedes depositar en esto… eso es correcto y tan bueno como el oro.

Ahora, como estaba diciendo, yo era un consejero, y sentado afuera en este día soleado de julio, sentado afuera en wisconsin teniendo una sesión de terapia en grupo, cerca de nueve personas envueltas. Y allí estaba este muchacho y su esposa. La esposa vino para estar con el en esta ocasión, no seguro por que pero, le deje a ella unirse al grupo, después de haber pedido al grupo el permiso, Ud. Sabe, porque ellos iban a revelarnos alguna información privada entupida- Ex – bebedores, pienso ninguno en el mundo conoce una cosa maldita acerca de nuestra conducta, cuando esto esta ebrio completamente hasta el día del juicio final. Si, el carnicero sabe y así hace el panadero, y la compañía de electricidad sabe porque tu no pagaste el maldito recibo; porque esto es todo por culpa tuya, nene esto es todo por culpa tuya- correcto!

Nosotros no pagamos nada de los chupones de mama- ninguno mis amigos…todos ellos consiguen estar en Zero……………………………lleva eso para el banco.

Ahora viene el gran D, en esta historia D no se asemeja por lo que esta pasando a través de tu mente, Oh ahora, cuando tu eres un bebedor profesional como yo y mis amigos, o clientes (toma tu pico), tu no necesitas despedirte borracho, pero tu consigues la parte D, y eso es, tirarse pedo es libre. Yo realmente consigo hacerme a la idea de esta cosa, el terreno ya esta preparado, …ve, nosotros estamos sentados en un circulo humilde diciendo uno al otro lo que todos en el pueblo ya conocen, y lo que nosotros hemos olvidado, hasta ahora dejando a oscuras en el tiempo. Y esta pareja, llamados Tom y Jerry (Señor y Señora Anónimos- entonces yo no consigo demandar), Jerry siendo la esposa. Ahora ellos están sentados juntos con el resto de nosotros pensando, si solo pensando, acerca de lo que las otras personas están pensando, o tratando de imaginarse lo que ellos están pensando. Tu quieres saber lo que ellos están pensando… Yo te lo diré, “yo no se si yo podría decir esto, ellos me miraran, yo estaré en el punto iluminado”… esa clase de trago oriental. ¿Quien realmente le da de comer a los conejos? En primer lugar tú has estado buscando el punto iluminado por 20 años, ahora tú eres humillado. Esto no tiene sentido, pero eso es una recuperación de tirarse un pedo por cambio de actitud..

Ahora déjame ir hacia el misterio, como estuve a punto de decir, nosotros estamos allí, sobre el humilde y soleado día de julio, en Wisconsin, arriba sobre esa montaña en un libre permaneciendo dentro y fuera de cuidado fácilmente. Yo soy un consejero importante. Hola- tú estas escuchándome……………

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF…esto empezó, esto creció como una roca yendo a Marte, ninguna broma: si, Tom comenzó un pequeño pedo este consiguió hacerse mas estruendoso, todos están ahora mirándose uno al otro en el circulo, lo conseguiste todos nosotros estamos mirando a Tom #9786; por el memento nosotros estamos sonriendo, pero esto, amigos es el mas grande pedo en toda la historia de la humanidad. Nosotros no podíamos hablar, y el aire esta empujándolo todo hacia afuera gracias a la bondad. Y nosotros miramos, y miramos y miramos, ahora las sonrisas están siendo dejadas atrás, y Tom sonrió #9787; y sonrió -#9787; y sonrió #9787; y la tirada de pedo nunca paro.

Esto debió haber continuado por unos cinco minutos, lo se, eso es una completa cantidad de muchos segundos, algo así.
Ffffffffffffffffffffff ♪♫♪♫♪, F F F F FFFFF FFF ffffff ♫:♫♪♫ si mi amigo algo así, tuvo ritmo para esto, un golpe uno podría decir y todos nosotros sonreímos. Ahora ¿porque sonreímos? Piensa acerca de esto. Aquí nosotros podríamos tener el record del libro Guinnes habíamos tenido nosotros un record por el pedo mas largo de la historia.
Él se pedorreo demasiado que no podía ni levantarse para ir a limpiarse porque el permaneció tirandose pedo.

Tu podrías estar diciendo, tu puedes identificarte con esto, y tu enamorada está sentada cerca de ti y maldición si ella pica sobre lo que yo estoy leyendo… apaga la computadora rápido, dile a ella que tu vas a casa a leer esto mas tarde, ella no tiene que saber, ella no sabrá lo que tu estas leyendo, y si ella te coge ella dirá.

“Tu piensas que tu disfrutas leyendo acerca de algunos borrachos pedones” ella no se imaginara, que tú eres un viejo bebedor y solo espera hasta que tu consigas casarte, y luego tu encontraras, yo no piensos que la esposa del muchacho sabia que el tenía tales problemas, entonces yo no quise ser responsable por un rompimiento.

De cualquier modo, pero la realidad; el pobre hombre y su esposa, sentados allí, lo tienes,………☻ ☻ con esa entupida sonrisa.(s) Pero que podrían hacer. Tom sacudió sus hombros, el era joven y se imagino después de 4 a 5 minutos. Que Yo había vivido a través de la parte difícil. Yo podría solamente tirarme un pedo por 15 segundos, y yo pienso eso era largo.

Entonces si tu has abierto otra ves esta computadora, o libro, para terminar la historia, y tu galán se fue, no hay mucho mas realmente para decir, excepto, que nosotros tuvimos una pequeña sonrisa, y una enorme internamente, yo creo todos nosotros tenemos dolor de tripas después de disimular…y estoy seguro alguno de nosotros disimulamos nuestra tirada de pedos y así no ser criticados, si tu estas preguntando si yo lo hice, tu tendrás que aguantar eso hasta una entrevista a Dave Lettermen…

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Top 3 Things You Should Do Before Choosing Your Private Label Olive Oil Supplier

There are many reasons why people are ecstatic about creating their own product line of olive oil.

One reason is its growing market. As people become more aware of the benefits brought by it, the demand is steadily increasing. The fact that you can find olive oil as an ingredient in almost any healthy product, any entrepreneur would really be tempted to join the industry.

Another reason is passion. Health gurus and beauty bloggers are just a few of the people who love olive oil, and incorporating their passion into their business is never a bad idea, right?

So before you start choosing and calling your private label olive oil supplier, here are the top three most important things you should do first:

Study the Market

Regardless if you already own a business or are just starting up, you should study first your target marketplace.

Who would possibly buy it? Can your market afford to purchase extra virgin olive oil? The best customers are those who won’t mind paying a high price as long as the product is worth it. But this is not the only factor you should consider.

Price Competition

Knowing the current prices on the market will serve as your guideline in choosing the right supplier in terms of the pricing of bulk orders.

You can also determine how much profit you can gain, and how competitive you can be in the market. More importantly, since you are creating a privately labeled line, make sure that your price can compete with the branded ones.

Qualify the Suppliers

Truth is, the olive oil industry is quite a small niche, so you will want your product to stand out.

Basically, you can really stand out if you choose the right packaging. Packaging includes the style of the bottle, how much of it you want in a single bottle, and also, the creativeness of the whole packaging concept.

But the question is, can the manufacturer achieve this kind of packaging?

There are a lot of suppliers, but if you think that you can just pick the right one up easily, think again. The right supplier should, above all, catch up on your vision for your products.

For example, the best private label olive oil supplier are those who have sample packages ready but also welcomes their clients’ ideas and desired characteristics. There are even companies that will send a virtual sample for their clients to see how their order will look like. This kind of flexibility gives ultimate freedom for the clients to own their product.

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